Sick of it...

A short blog tonight...
I'm sick of being in pain.
A quick visit to the surgeon on Thursday showed that he was not happy with my sudden increase of pain and decrease in mobility. To be honest. This scares me. i know when the pain moves into the groin, that this means trouble. I don't have time for another surgery. I took last year off uni, and i don't want to miss anymore. In the past 4 days my pain has gotten much worse. i have gone from limping to dragging my leg to relying on crutches to get around. My pain killer medication has more than doubled and after 3 surgeries and successfully withdrawing from medications, ill be looking at going through the process again. I know i cant prejudge whats wrong until i have the MRI scan on Saturday and get the results the following week, but I'm scared that if they find something, i will have to have ANOTHER operation, and if they don't find anything - why am I in so much pain and why do i have so many physical symptoms?
I'm sick of the pain, the routines, the vague memory, the forgetfulness and not being able to do anything productive. I'm sick of going through this whole process for a 4th time. what did I do to deserve this?

signing out,
Jen