pain free?

Hello readers once again,
I have been absent from this blog for a small amount of time yet so much has gone on.
In my last post i mentioned my pain had worsened. Well you see it worsened to the point where my mother rang my surgeon (who by the way is my only doctor in Melbourne at the moment) and in distress told him that something needed to be done. He agreed and arranged for me to have a cortisone injection with some long acting aesthetic under some local aesthetic. Anyway he tried to get me in that day, but with no long i had to last out the weekend till Monday where i was fortunate for doctors at another private hospital were able to fit me in.
After looking at the joint and comparing it to my good hip under ultrasound, they moved me under x-ray to perform a small procedure (Over heard doctors discussing i might have also ripped the gluteus maximus from the attachmant site on the tracanter as this is a site of pain increase in the last week). This procedure is almost identical to one Ive had several times before (fluoroscope MRI - without the MRI part) and each time, it becomes more painful.

It started off painful and got worse and worse. i was crying, then screaming with the pain. After 20 minutes of the doctor moving the needle filled with long acting aesthestic, cortisone and contrast inside my hip joint, i threw up from the hysteria and pain. The doctor was so upset with how I'd come through this procedure, knowing he was doing the best he could. They decided the best was to proceed with this procedure properly would be by using pethodox. They don't use this in the hospital and had to get the drug company out to show them how to use this medication. The booked me for 12.30 the following day.

I arrived at the hospital on time, and while the drug rep was late, the doctor's and nurse's were wonderful. I even had one of them say to me, "i couldn't stop thinking about you all night".
Once the drug rep turned up and showed the doctors and nurses in the room how to use the pethodox.. (the wonderful green stick ambo's give for pain if you haven't caught on...), I even helped answer some of their questions like how long does it last for and what happens when the patient covers the oxygen hole at the top (20 mins, more pethidine, less oxygen = less pain). Clearly I've been in the hospital system way too long, even yet been ambo'ed off to hospital way too much. Anyway the decision was to do this under the influence on my own medication taken an hour before hand (valium, endone), and use the pethodox as well. Also instead of doing it under x-ray, to perform the procedure under ultrasound as there was so much scar tissue within the joint space.
I came through the second procedure not feeling a thing. I am so greatful for that little green stick and now its just a waiting game. Does the cortisone make it better? does it help with the pain? has it reduced my pain levels?
unknown as yet.
As with the first appointment and with the second the local aesthetic has its effects. first you cant raise your leg... makes it very difficult to get dressed even to raise your knee to put an uggboot on or to lift you legs up on the couch. Dead leg. Luckily its gone by the morning. All to have it repeated the next day. Last night i was so over being like this. Will i ever reach a level where I'm pain free? I ended up taking my frustration on my poor dog, when taking him out to the toilet at night. He'd had gone out roughly about 5 mins before me so in all fairness he had probably already gone "wee wee's" (he generally wees on command) but i couldn't deal with his barking at the possums and disobeying me, so i ended up yelling at him and storming off on my crutches in pain back in side.

Its now roughly 36 hours since the procedure was done, I've mostly slept during this time, however I think i am feeling slightly better. not emotionally or mentally, but physically i may be feeling less pain, however I'm not sure just yet.

Its now been 3 months since the onset of pain this year and when it came back, i knew something was wrong, and often was told and scans said otherwise. However I think yesterdays procedure notes might be a little bit on my side for a change. Through all of this i feel like i know my body better than anything or anyone, and each time I've been right. Sure I've coped the label of chronic pain which I'm OK with, however each time I've been in a state of pain there has been something physically wrong with my body. Why would now be any different?

Anyway there is a few questions posed here and one again any feedback is wonderful.
comment, twitter or email even facebook :)
jencummins16 is twitter and facebook
jl4cummins@students.latrobe.edu.au is email.

signing out with love,
jen xo

FML

Hello readers,
I don't know how many of you exists but ranting helps clear my head.

To update you on my crazy but lazy prescription filled and painful life:
- My pain has worsened yet again. I didn't this this was much more possible, but it has.
- the vastus medialis, and gluteus maximus hurts when I weight bear.
- 2 out of 3 of my main doctors are currently on leave.
- no other GP in the doctors rooms knows my history like my doctor does which makes it incredibly difficult to get your medication because it is narcotics.
- I keep trying to pretend I am able to continue with uni but part of me knows its a waste of time and money.
- I have an infected right ear. (just to add put it in the mix..) which was an infection in the pieced part of the lobe which has travelled up into the cartilage, so its massively swollen, bleeding (cos I keep picking at it) and I cant put any pressure on it.

Anyway after I found myself breaking into tears more often than not, I decided I refuse to continue this way. I'm back up to 20mg of Oxycontin and I'm still taking endone 10mg at least twice a day, and its not even helping. I clearly have an allergy to an ingrediant in these types of medications because I end up having to have an antihistimine about half an hour later.

I have been rubbing liniment (feel heat) and linica(sp?) cream on my butt hip and high/hamstrings... and I get no physical reaction from the liniment. I get the reaction on my back but no where else. Can anyone explain this to me? Why am I not feeling anything??
The linoca cream is supposed to help bring out bruising and swelling... and it has done so to a small amount. My left leg is defiantly swollen but where the linoca cream has been rubbed... it looks dirty... like old bruising perhaps?

I made my mother ring my surgeon today (because he's the only doctor of mine left in Melbourne atm), and I refused to talk to him because I am just getting so upset by this. I cry just talking about. I just don't understand how people can be left like this. How many other people are experiencing pain like I am? let alone how many of them are 22? Why wont they just admit me to hospital? I cant deal with it anymore.
I even managed to burst out in tears at the hairdresser today. The drugs are making my hair fall out. Not in big lumps like chemo fall out, but alot of breakage at the scalp. It's effecting my whole body also . The toxins are trying to get out somehow and they have chosen the pores in my chest and face. Now this is not nice for a girl who's only ever had the occasional pimple once a month. It feels disgusting. Way to go self confidence. ba-bom

I'm honestly at lost for what is left for me to do, or where to go. I'm struggling physically, mentally and emotionally right now and the right people are not around to help.

Oh and in regard to my swollen painful right ear.... it makes sleeping difficult when you can't lay your head down on the pillow on it's right side because it hurts so badly, but you can't lay on your left side because of the pain in your hip...

So its a really big FML at the moment.

signing out,
Jen xx

Thoughts....Heath Ledger...

Hello again.
Wow apoligies for posting again so soon but some disturbing thoughts have crossed my mind several times in the last few weeks.
In a previous post 'lyrics' I listed some of the medication I am on for pain management.

You see apart from those listed and some other non pain related medications such as the pill, I also take antihistamines (for hay fever which I get all year round), and a tablet called 'somac' which just stops any heartburn which I started getting from taking all these tablets... anyway don't read this the wrong way but sometimes I'm afraid I'll somehow have a "Heath Ledger moment" or accident, where its not the case of too much of a few specific drugs, but just too much of a combination of drugs, particularly over a period of time, when pain is super bad.

You see, when I'm in pain I space my medications out. I take the medications which are the 'smallest' in the pharmaceutical line of pain relievers ie; panadene forte or imobrufen, even moving up through to Valium depending on the type of pain, up to where I can not take any more pain and take the more 'heavier' medications such as Endone.
What I'm most concerned about is that how harmful can this be over a 6-8-12 hour period and how much risk am I putting my self at when doing this*

You see all Heath ledger took the night he died was two different types of sleeping tablets, Oxycontin, Endone and Valium. And he was just to trying to sleep at night.

Now I'm no fool and would never do something like that for something as little as sleep but it does cross my mind that sometimes I have those exact same medications within a four hour period particularly at night. If any of you who read this have any advice, please post a comment or email me at jl4cummins@students.latrobe.edu.au. thanks guys

sometimes scared so I'm,
signing out,
Jen xx

*things to ask the doctor