Woah? What on earth has happened?

Hi peoples,

Clearly, I haven't written in a while, but all in good reason. You see I haven't had access to a computer in the last 2 weeks, and some major shit has happened.

I went up to Uni (a 2 hour drive away from my Melbourne home), still in a lot of pain and still on crutches the day before i had to present a maths project (an oral presentation that had been put off for 5 weeks due to my "injury"). Arrived in good old Bendigo and although extremely sore from the trip, went off to the pub for a meal, and went back to my house. It was a pretty early night for me, and i went off to sleep as normal but many hours earlier than normal.
About 4am, I awoke in extreme pain, in my left butt cheek. I already knew i had a tear in the gluteus maximus, and was unable to explain the new onset as i had been asleep! Anyway i couldn't get comfortable and the pain was worsening so i took some medication. I cried quietly in pain while my mother slept beside me.
Although i knew something was seriously wrong, and i wouldn't be able to get back home to Melbourne on the medications i had available, i had to go to Uni and present, knowing it would only take 10-15 mins and i would be able to go to the hospital straight after.

I painfully arrived at the hospital in 10/10 pain, and was told to go wait in the waiting room. Actually she told me to take a seat, but knowing full well i couldn't sit down, which was half the reason i went there in the first place, and after informing her of this, she told me to lean again something instead. Within 10 minutes ( i wouldn't of lasted much longer) the doctor came to call me in. My mother followed. I layed down in the bed, then had to put on a gown as the Dr.'s decided to take a E.E.G. . I had high blood pressure and an extremely high heart rate, not unusual for someone in so much pain. After explaining the history to what felt like 10 different people (nurses, Dr.'s, student nurse's, student Dr,'s etc..) the chief Dr. came in to examine me. at one point he hit what seemed to be a bomb, as all pain spots in my legs exploded into extreme pain. The lovely screen that showed my BP, HR etc also erupted as my blood pressure rose to alarm levels as did my heart rate at 145 bpm.
The chief doc left to ring my new doctors to decide the best course of action. before i knew it, i was being wheeled off to the small intensive care part of the ED, as they started a Ketamine drip or shall i say 'shots mixed with a saline bag'. The first shot consisted of 20ml and i have never tripped out before, but i can tell you, i don't want to do it again. All i remember was a horrible experience, with people staying still, but the rest of the room becoming a blur. It reduced my pain for a short period of time, but as i came out of the hallucination, the pain came back, just as bad. Over the course of an hour, i had another two 'shots' containing about 10ml - luckily they didn't cause any hallucinations however didn't do much for the pain.
Before I knew it, i was being told they had a bed for me at a private hospital in Melbourne and were going to ambulance me down, and the paramedics would be arriving in approximately 5-10 mins. Holy shit somehow between 11 -2 disappeared in all of that and next thing i was aware of i was being transferred into an ambulance.

The Ambulance consisted of a bumpy ride of about 180km, i was treated to 2.5ml of morphine every half hour, on oxygen and we changed ambulances at Kyneton. I arrived at the hospital where i am now, between 5-6pm and i have remained here ever since. Before i forget to mention it, I spent my 23rd birthday in here (friday the 16th) which sucked, but i got lovely visitors which/but i guess it was just a good excuse for my friends to come visit.

Anyway back to that Thursday night I was put on a sub-cutanious ketamine drip which is attached into your stomach fat:










which was followed by an inflamed area with 20 hours or so:










After 4 days of this I eventually got it put in IV but I've also managed to get a rash there too. Ill save you the picture of my itchy scratchy spotty arm.

A few positives of my stay here however have been, I got to meet a fellow twitter friend @rellacafa, who I've shared many thoughts with and she's helped me get through some tough times in this hospital even! But Hayley was the one who inspired me to write this blog thing, and i can tell you, meeting her was definitely a highlight, and someone i know i will be friend with on and off the Internet. She was so kind, she even bought me a 'get better soon/happy birthday' gift and card!

Meet 'Brawson' - a small but inspiring bear to get through the hard times!

I was told he likes to play twister, sing karaoke and eat gingerbread!

However I've layed here for most of my 11 days so far, I'm only starting to work with the physio and psychologist and I'm not sure of how much longer ill be here for. Unfortunately i wont be able to blog again most likely, until i get home, so ill leave you with some pictures of some of the HOSPITAL food I've been getting. You can see all pics on my twitpic page but here the current ones are:

and they taste as good as they look!

As usual, feel free to comment, send me an email to jl4cummins@students.latrobe.edu.au, facebook me or message me on twitter @jencummins16.

hope to be back soon,

signing out,

Jen xo

PS you can get to Hayleys/@rellacafa's blog by clicking here

Who the F*@% am i shaving my legs for?/What do you do when your life is in the hands of another?

Hello,

To begin with i feel like i should start my blog with like a 'dear diary...' attitude because that's what it is essentially. Anyway I'm blogging about my week. My week was mostly made up of sleep and watching either TV shows or DVD's of TV shows. Interesting stuff huh? yeah that's how my life runs. Well here's the story of my week in BOLD


Well actually it started off with on Monday i rang the pain clinic that i was with for the past year and a bit, because although i don't necessarily get along with the doctor there, i have complete trust in their Physio, and value her opinion. I rang up and asked for an appointment and I got told because i have not been in since January, i was going to have wait up to 3 months for an appointment. This particular pain clinic has a 3-6 month waiting list for new patients so i naturally felt like I WAS BEING PUNISHED for not being in pain, or better yet, did not need their services for so long. I was incredibly angry. I chose not to take the end of December appointment because who knows what will have happened by then.



On Tuesday i had an appointment to see the GP. I see him on a pretty much 10 day basis, and for one time i was glad to see him. You see, he had taken two weeks leave, and not left any notice for another doctor who i was going to have to see in order to get my medication from. Nor had he discussed my situation with any other doctor in the clinic, so in order to get the medication i need every 10 days, i had to go through the same old story of what happened to me (ski accident - surgery 1, surgery 2, surgery 3 etc) to get what i needed to get me through till when my GP came back. My GP is fairly laid back and told me to continue treating my pain with the medication, after i told him i felt i had hit the end of what i can bear. rock bottom. the end. depression. Its just keep on truckin'


Wednesday, Mum rang the pain clinic, got the nice receptionist who put mum through to the physio, and once mum had explained the problem, the physio said "i had scheduled in administrative work Friday morning but come in then, ill see her" Bless her and my mum. what would i do without her.

Also on Wednesday i rang my surgeons office and spoke to his PA. I got told he had been forced to take a week off by his wife. Understandable when your at work at 7am and don't get home till after 8pm on some nights and have young children. However I had discussing what i wanted to say to him with mum, and i honestly didn't think i had the guts to say it to him because i knew I'd get emotional, so i told it all to his PA instead. I still got emotional but, it felt better out than in. His PA was an Orthopedic nurse so she's down with the lingo, if you know what i mean. I pretty much questioned:

- If its the tissue around and inside the joint cant we eliminate the problem? Can he do a partial hip replacement to do so, or..

- How long do we have to dance around the problem of the tissue in the hip causing me problems ? and

- How many times do i have to go through this for months at a time before you'll (he'll) do anything about it? 4, 5,10?

- I'M 22 for gods sake, trying my hardest to continue with life and my studies, with something that is holding me back constantly. I know i suffer from chronic pain. That's from the nerve damage, which I've had from day one after the surgery. I have managed to deal with that since, however when pain like the one I'm in now arrives, this is not something that can be treated with mind over matter, and physio and everything else that is involved in pain management.Ive done that before. I know when somethings wrong. Do I have to spend the next 10 months in and out of hospitals like i did last year before you take my word on something is mechanically wrong, or do you want to wait it out and make me prove you wrong again? Well if only my surgeon read this blog because he might understand how bloody angry that it makes me. I litterly feel like Ive hit the end.



I sleep all day, I'm awake most of the night. Sleep isn't a quality sleep. Its so difficult to shower now, and causes so much pain and so much effort I'm only showering once a week. And that's not a nice thing to put out there on the Internet people. i don't want to admit that but this is what its come to and I'm being brutally honest. I showered this evening and somehow found myself shaving my legs. Who am i doing that for? i hardly leave the house anymore, i don't see many people. Most social contact is unfortunately either txt or over social networking sites. I guess that's the one bit of vanity I've got left in me. I shaved my legs for me i guess.

Thursday: i don't remember much about this day, which probably means i slept the day away, however i do remember measuring my legs at night. I previously measured them after i finished up an assignment of exercise and since June, which has been the onset of pain, so i have been doing nothing, i have lost

7.5cm of hips/bum

2cm (R)(L) top thigh (under the bum)

2cm off (R) mid thigh

5cm off (L) mid thigh

2 cm of (R) calf and 3cm of (L) calf.

Friday: Friday was the biggest day of all! i went to the physio, she gave me exercise to help combat muscle wastage which i can now physically see, answered a few of my previous questions, and ultra-sounded my hip. The i went to Aldi, where i bought a laminator. Word is that it has been a very expensive maths assignmnet due to all the laminating costs, and altho i havnt got round to it yet, this is my first step to doing my assignments when i can. I also bought a paper cutting maching thingo.. you know, you measure your paper and then slide the blade across.. the word for it has escaped me for the time being but... It was a very big day out for me.

Sat/Sun almost didnt exist because i slept through all of it.

To sum up what to me has been a shitty week, has actually been fairly good. i saw the GP, physio, did i mention the chiropractor on monday? probably not.. she put my "major crutch back" back in place.. and i got to tell my surgeons PA what i was really feeling. MY life and wellbeing are in my surgeons hands now, and he has to decide what to do with it. Im over it.

At least i get to countdown 11 days to another birthday spent on crutches. could it get anymore depressing?

PS i wrote this all out earlier only to lose it to a problem error. the first draft was better.

signing out,

Jen xx