lyrics...

Do you ever have one of those day's where your listening to music and feel it somehow reflects your life? well i was watching idol last night and caught some young boy singing Gnarls Barkly's Crazy and i felt thast how i feel.

you see the lyrics go:

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

Now Ive sort of interpreted that as -

Remember when we were were younger, and had no care in the world?

Now that we've grown older and the damage is done, we can't change what we have done but we know how to turn our life around...

Enjoy your life, now that you know who and what's around you,

Theres a reason for this, and you have to get through it because you set out to achieve your goals....

Now I'm not quite sure why this song hit me like it did, maybe the chorus because Ive been thinking a lot about depression lately. Am I depressed? Am I falling into that category? Ive been at home for two weeks now. One week was teaching rounds, which i couldn't do, and the second i couldn't physically get to uni, But in these two weeks my pain medication has doubled and I'm sleeping from 3/4am through till 5-6pm. There hasn't been much of a reason to get out of bed except take more pain medications and feed the dog and the cat. I don't know if I'm so drowsy because of the massive amounts of pain meds? (which are helping!!! but no one can live this way), I'm barely eating, because when I'm in pain I don't get hungry and one of the side effects of one of my medications is a food suppressant.

I am going to see my GP on Monday to try and sort out some sort of middle ground. The amount of medication I'm taking is helping but it isn't sustainable for any body..

20mg Oxycontin - am/pm

12.5mg topamax - pm

50mg allegron - pm

+ imobrufen, Valium (7.5mg) and endone (10mg) when needed. So far Ive been taking the valium morning and night, but I've cut down on the endone because it makes me itchy.

...and as far as they can see (with MRI) there isn't anything wrong physically with my hip except swelling. It upsets me that people just pass me around doctor to doctor. "Here, go see this person"... they dont care that its going to take 6 weeks to get an appointment. That's what they've done this time. I'm supposedly off to see a chronic pain doctor who deals with soft tissue injuries. I'm most likely going to get the same pain spiel from the other pain specialists Ive seen.

until another day, im off to see the neurologist tomorrow, or shall i say today... lets see what he has to say for him self.

signing out,

Jen xx